


Soft Cover

by tinyko



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Isekai, M/M, Self-Insert, Spoilers, i did say that i wanted to bring molly back somehow, i wanna try to make molly come back somehow but idk how it'd work, so i'm just gonna make an au for this story eventually, this is just my self insert's journal as he travels with the m9, welp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 259
Words: 18,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyko/pseuds/tinyko
Summary: Leo's journal as he travels with the Mighty Nein and tries to figure out what happened to him.Now including episode 26 spoilers. I am currently at episode 114.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Original Character(s)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 18





	1. Day 20

Day 20  
I finally have some better way of keeping track of the days. I went into a town for the first time after finding some coins and bought some paper, a needle and thread and just made a little book. Now I don’t have to scratch a tally into a tree. Łshin is recovering well, he really likes me which is really surprising since he’s a wild bear. While here, I ducked into a atvern, to get something to eat with the spare coin I had and ended up roped into going to a carnival.


	2. Day 21

Day 21  
So I’m on house arrest. The carnival turned fucking tits up. Some old man turned into a zombie and infected a young woman. I came in with a group and they all sprung to action and I think the bouncer, a huge woman, thought I was with them because she threw me my bow so I just joined in the battle. So now I’m suspect and stuck in the tavern rooming with a purple man from the carnival and a green man who was part of the group. Don’t know how to get out of this one, but I’m a little worried about Łshin, since I was only supposed to be gone a few hours.


	3. Day 22

Day 22  
It was the giant toad thing. He’s some fiend according the human man, Caleb. The toad turned two Crownsguards into zombies at the carnival grounds after we snuck over there. Molly almost died. This place is fucking terrifying. We’re going to rest at the tavern and then go after him later.


	4. Day 23

Day 23  
We’re on the move now. Cleared our names by killing the toad. The dwarf girl is unharmed. It happened late last night/early this morning. I actually ran out of town and got Łshin who helped us fight. We’re all heading to a place called Alsfield now, Łshin included. He won’t leave my side. But I have no where else to go, so I’m just moving along with them until I can’t anymore. Plus, maybe I’ll learn something with them. Just a gut feeling.


	5. Day 24

Day 24  
Still traveling to Alsfield. Spent the night camping. We hope to ge there by night fall. These people are strange, but I really like them. I know I’m already getting attached.


	6. Day 25

Day 25  
Alsfield was attacked the moment we got there. Gnolls. They killed a bunch of people, stole a bunch of meat and then took those and some living people and ran. Nott and Molly almost died. I’m real glad that I’m decent at archery though, and I’m glad I found that old cabin back when it was just me and Łshin. Had I not, I wouldn’t have this bow or any arrows. Or anything really.


	7. Day 26

Day 26  
So I almost died. We went the way that the gnolls left and found a mine. We killed a bunch of them, found some survivors and this old man named Shakasta who helped then we found the reason they needed meat. There was a manticore and her newborn child. She attacked, then Nott ran off and killed her child, which turned her attention to Nott, almost killing her, then I jumped in, running to get Nott and the manticore turned to me and then just, black. I came to with Molly giving me a health potion. Fjord and Jester almost died as well. Caleb has something, I think he need someone to talk to about some serious traumas. But it’s over and we’re going to move on to Zadash with all the gold we just made.


	8. Day 27

Day 27  
Spent the day traveling. I really enjoy all their company. I like them all and I can definitely feel a small crush on Fjord and Molly, but it’ll go away. It’s just because they’re kind to me.


	9. Day 28

Day 28  
We’ve stopped for another night. We expect to get to Zadash by tomorrow sometime. I’ve since made another book, I bought supplies before we left Alsfield. This once I’m going to use as a sketchbook. I’m excited to draw again. Nott heard me singing to Łshin last night and asked me to sing to her too. It was really nice.


	10. Day 29

Day 29  
We got attacked by bandits last night. It was a little funny had Caleb not almost died. But we got to Zadash. This city is weird. We were shown around town by a strange old man, then went to the Leaky Tap, where the commander in Alsfield, told us to go. They’re very nice people, the elven woman and the dragonborn. Then we went to a magic store and met a very interesting fellows? He was a firbolg and there were 4 of him. Like, not twins but 4 of the same person. He was so kind though and was very welcoming. Łshin is staying just outside of the city. I’ll visit him once a day, I worry about leaving him away from us.


	11. Day 30

Day 30  
Sold a bunch of stuff today then went and got a really nice bath. I genuinely think I might be falling a little bit in love with Molly and I am so fucked. I fall in love far too easy. We all bathed together, found that giant woman, Yasha again and I got a great fucking view of a purple ass when I turned around to say something. I can’t get it off my mind at all. The crush I had on Fjord has come and gone, but the one of Molly is staying strong. We’re going down to the sewers to defeat some monster down there later tonight.


	12. Day 31

Day 31  
It was a fucking giant spider.


	13. Day 32

Day 32  
We might have gotten involved in a political mess. Went to Pumat Sol’s agai. I’m going to try to save 800 gold for that cloak. Still no idea how to get home but I don’t know if I still want to. I’m getting too attached. I’m really falling for Molly. I don’t want to be alone again. I feel needed here, I feel wanted.


	14. Day 33

Day 33  
Spent the day prepping, I guess. Though everything that could go wrong went wrong. Caleb, Nott, Fjord, Molly and I went to some hospital to try to get some handwriting samples from the father of the head doctor (no luck) but in doing so, Molly used stage makeup to make his dick look fucked up and made some fake vomit, then crawled around the hospital yelling and screaming and ended up jumping through a window, Fjord faked a cough and faked shitting himself, Caleb disguised himself as a half-orc woman and Nott as this woman’s child, attacked a nurse with his cat and scared the shit out of the head doctor and Nott was almost caught by the guards. I didn’t do much better, I faked getting in a bar fight with Molly’s makeup and faked a concussion but they must have thought I started this ‘bar fight’ and tried to call the guards on me too. I hope the girls did better.


	15. Day 34

Day 34  
I thought the hospital was bad but fuck. This took the cake. We got into the sultan’s house and Nott and Beau got smothered by a fucking rug then Nott got paralysed by a fucking box. The next house, the High-Richter’s house, was really bad. Beau, Molly and I were outside keeping watch. I had looked around the corner from the little alleyway and saw two guards and I knew that Molly and I would be caught immediately so I panicked and the only reason I could think of two people ‘from the festival’ would have ducked into a dark alleyway would be to get handsy, so I grabbed Molly and just started making out with him. He’s a really good kisser. Anyway, we got off with just a slap on the wrists and then everything went to absolute shit. Ulog died and killed the High-Richter with him, then as everyone else was getting out, there was this big, black ball of energy and one of those towers exploded. So it was chaos trying to get out, so we went to the sewers, where we were immediately attacked by a Drow. He had attacked the tower to get this weird Beacon. He was killed the moment we let him go by Crownsguards. We went back the way we came out of the sewer and then were guided out of the city. As we were heading back to the tavern, the guards were throwing Theron’s body out of the sewers and Caleb and Jester went and fucking stole the Beacon. So now Nott and Caleb are in the basement with it and the city’s on lock-down. Horris, Dolan’s husband, is with us for us to try to get out of the city and Claudia is selling the tavern. Molly and I were going to talk, but I don’t think that’s on his mind anymore.


	16. Day 35

Day 35  
Another fucking mess. We found a lead box for the Beacon and then went and found his mob boss called the Gentleman. He was an interesting man. Molly was recognised by a khajiit lady ro whatever her race is called. She was a cat woman but I don’t know what she would be called here. Anyway, the whole situation was fucking weird. The Gentleman took blood from us then told us to go clear out some magic lab. We went back to the Leaky Tap and had Molly tell us everything. He apparently fuckign died 2 years ago. He has no memories prior to that. He didn’t actually get to say how he found out about his blood powers, but it might have been self mutilation. I had my suspicions since some of our scars match but I don’t know. It made my heart hurt. Still haven’t had that talk with Molly. We met up with Yasha again.


	17. Day 36

Day 36  
Went back to the Gentleman with Horris. Got him carted off somewhere safe and out of the city then we went down to this magic lab to clear it out. We’re still down here, going to camp for the night. It was weird, full of ghosts and shit and a fucking slime cube. We’ll head back to the Gentleman tomorrow.


	18. Day 37

Day 37  
Back in town, Beau want’s to join some tournament that’s going to happen at a festival in 5 days, so I guess we’re staying here until then though it’s not like we can go anywhere anyway. I hope the city loosens up a little so I can visit Łshin soon. Molly and Beau got fucked up on some mushrooms tonight.


	19. Day 38

Day 38  
Since we’re just hanging out, I decided to explore the city a little. Went to the religious temples to draw people who came in and out, I think that I’ll just spend the next few days doing that. Maybe I’ll go to the Pentamarket tomorrow to draw. I don’t think I’ll be finding any leads about how to get home or learn what happened to me. Pumat Sol would probably be my best bet but even if he’s super warm and welcoming, I don’t know how much I should tell him.


	20. Day 39

Day 39  
I realised today, when I was drawing people in the Pentamarket, just how alone I am in this world. I guess it because I saw so many people - all different races and statuses and emotions, families and couples and children. I wish I had someone to talk to.


	21. Day 40

Day 40  
I want to tell the others, or at least Molly, or maybe Fjord. Molly had to tell us his history (even though i was only 2 years) and Fjord is very forthright and kind. My depression is just hitting hard since I have no one to talk to, but I don’t even know how to explain it to myself. How can I tell the others if I can even tell myself?


	22. Day 41

Day 41  
I miss sleep. Not having my medications is really causing issues. I might talk with some people and see if I could find an apothecary or medicine shop and get something. It’s been 41 days and not one good night sleep. When I do get some sleep, it’s always god awful nightmares full of death. They opened the gates finally, so I went out and found Łshin. He’s well, was very excited to see me again.


	23. Day 42

Day 42  
The Harvest’s Close festival was today. Fjord ate shit at a sandbag tossing game and I won some archery game and now I have 3 pet rats. I don’t know what I’ll name them yet, but it’ll probably be some Goetic demons. Molly and I ended up wandering off on our own for a little bit and he gave me a strawberry. I missed those so much. They’re my favourite fruit. Yasha destroyed a man in the most intense arm wrestle I’ve ever watched. Then we all got drug into the tournament. I was able to run out of the city with a special permit to bring Łshin in so he could fight with us. It was a lot of fun to race in through Zadash on Łshin’s back. The fights were fucking intense. I’m so glad I’m ranged, everyone who doesn’t have ranged attacks were getting real beat up. Though I did stab a wolf because it got a really bad bite on Łshin. But we won the tournament and Łshin is allowed in the city until we leave. Which is going to be very soon because war is going to be declared tomorrow. We’re staying at the Pillow Trove tonight. Fjord Molly, Łshin and I are in one room, Caleb in another and the girls in between us. Molly had some massage and I won’t lie, I’m insanely jealous but it’s whatever. I know he’s way out of my league anyway. I don’t know how he’s tolerated me and my bullshit for so long. I’m feeling alone, I might go out to the balcony later and see if I the Great Spirit can still see me.  
\----  
I don’t think the Great Spirit can. I went out and asked for a sign. I didn’t get anything immediately. I’ll keep an eye out but I’ve never felt more alone.


	24. Day 43

Day 43  
We’re on the move again, finally. We really needed to get out of Zadash. We’re heading North on some errands for the Gentleman. It’s going to be so fucking cold.


	25. Day 44

Day 44  
Stopping for the night. Met a very interesting full-blood orc living in a small shack in the middle of no where selling meats and armour and pelts. Molly bought some meat and armour and I bought some deer pelts and a rabbit pelt. The deer should keep us warm and I want to craft something with the rabbit. Don’t know when we’ll reach our destination but I hope it’s soon. It was fucking cold last night.


	26. Day 45

Day 45  
Spending one last night camping. Last night we were attacked by goblins and ogres, but it wasn’t too hard of a battle and Łshin took a wolf as dinner. Nott told us how she hated being a goblin and for a second I saw younger me in her. I pulled her aside and told her she could always confide in me, since I knew better than anyone in the motley crew what it felt to be in the wrong body. It rained in the middle of the night and Molly, Nott and I camped under the cart. Molly held me all night after I started to get jumpy from the storm. On our way today, our wheel broke and some passing soldier legion helped fix it. We should get to the swamp by noon tomorrow.


	27. Day 46

Day 46   
We gained another today. A young kenku girl named Kiri. She was almost eaten by 2 massive alligators. I fucking hate swamps. We’re going to try to find her parents since her sisters were eaten by the gators. We’re now in some podunk town. Łshin is sleeping in the stables with the cart and horses and I’ll fetch him in the morning. Last night was rough as well, another massive storm. Molly and I slept under the cart again and he held me. He didn’t even wait until I goit startled, he immediately pulled me close as we got under there. We’re sharing a bed tonight, since there’s only one in the rooms here and the floor is slightly flooded. Fjord is sleeping on the floor and I feel a little bad but he had already settled down before I could protest. I’me nervous about whatever’s in this swamp. Swamps are never good. They’re haunted and filled with nasties and bugs. I can’t even begin to imagine what they could be like in a magic world.


	28. Day 47

Day 47  
Spending the night in a cramped ass tree. Molly pulled me down and had me snuggle up to him. It feels really nice. We set out this morning with Febron and a part dragon half elf named Calianna. She was so sweet and immensely helpful. I hope we’ll meet up with her again. Tomorrow we’ll get up and kill more fishmen.


	29. Day 48

Day 48  
Slept in the safehouse again. I don’t like fishmen in this world. Spent all day fighting them. Found a bunch of illegal religious icons. I grabbed several of them, just for fun. Some are apparently evil. Fjord absorbed a tiger’s eye stone and then Molly tried to drown him which was both alarming and amusing. Hopefully we’ll get back on the road tomorrow.


	30. Day 49

Day 49  
They fucking went after that troll that killed Febron. I understand partially because Febron had 100 gold on him from us but also that troll almost killed Beau on our first encounter and almost killed Fjord 3 fucking times today. We’re heading to Shady Creek tomorrow. I don’t trust it any more than I trust this fucking swamp. I have a really bad feeling in my gut.


	31. Day 50

Day 50  
The next week is going to be spent on the road heading to Shady Creek. It’s a lot further than I thought. Kiri is still with us, we need to find someone safe to leave her with. She’s not safe with us.


	32. Day 51

Day 51  
Passed the river today. I drew some landscapes too.


	33. Day 52

Day 52  
Reached the Crossroads today. It was really interesting, like a little flea market. I got some tropical fruits and a bone choker necklace. I still have the deer pelts from the old orc, but I got a wold pelt as well, so more warmth. We’re gonna need as much warmth as we can get. There was a caravan of families from Nogvurot, where the Drow have been kidnapping children. I hope these families arrive safely where ever they are going.


	34. Day 53

Day 53  
I’ve never drawn this many landscapes, not even in school. I’ve drawn the gang too. Molly, Jester and Yasha are my favourites to draw. Kiri is a good model too and Frumpkin and Łshin are the best animal models I’ve ever had.


	35. Day 54

Day 54  
We got ambushed by the same fucking bandits from before Zadash last night. Nott got fucked up pretty badly but they immediately recognised Molly. We did get a cover for the cart which is really nice.


	36. Day 55

Day 55  
More traveling, more drawing. The tents Molly bought are very much appreciated. There’s 5 tents, Caleb and Nott in one of course, Yasha and Beau, Jester and Kiri, Molly and I and Fjord got his own. Łshin sleeps outside, he doesn’t really like being indoors, even if it’s a tent. It’s honestly really reassuring having a huge bear chilling in our camp. He scares people off.


	37. Day 56

Day 56  
Reached Huperdook today. It’s really a wonder, the industrialisation is really something. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, though, only because of what industrialisation did to my people’s land. It’s obvious war is here the more we travel. This city is the centre of industry and it’s producing so many machines of war. It’s terrifying. Molly, Beau, Caleb, Fjord and Nott got fucking wasted in a drinking game, but they still won. Then, while he was drunk, Jester pulled Caleb into a waltz which lead several other couples into it as well as the musicians. Molly pulled me into it too. It felt so good and freeing. As we danced, he pulled a silk flower from his hair, one that Jester had bought, and gave it it me. Then he kissed me. In the middle of the tavern. It was sloppy and unprepared, but it was so good. My chest is still fluttering. This night will always be in my heart. I sincerely hope that if I go home, if I’m able to and if I want to at that point, that I don’t lose the memories of here. And if I do, if that’s the cost to go home then I don’t think I will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i write these as i'm progressing through the show. please don't spoil anything as i've only reached as far as the entries are


	38. Day 57

Day 57  
We said goodbye to Kiri tonight. We bailed out two gnomes from prison to return them to their children and left Kiri in their care. It was so incredibly bittersweet. She’s such a fine little girl and I know she’ll thrive will with this family and I’ll write to her every moment I can. No matter how good this is, it still hurts. I wish we could have done more for her, I wish we could have found or saved her parents, but this is the best we can do. I know they’ll take good care of her, much better than we can. It was the first time I cried in front of everyone surprisingly enough. Haven’t had too much to cry about but Kiri mimicked a song I sang for her one night and I broke down a little. We’re heading out in the morning, back on the road to Shady Creek. As we turned in for the night, Molly pulled me into a hug and gave a kiss to the top of my head, probably because I’d been crying the whole way back to the tavern and relying on Łshin to guide me. I’m going to miss Kiri dearly.


	39. Day 58

Day 58  
Back on the road. For only having been with us for less than 2 weeks, it feels weird without Kiri.


	40. Day 59

Day 59  
Yasha, Jester and Fjord have been taken. We met a dwarf woman, Keg, who’s gonna help us find them. I’m terrified and feel constantly sick to my stomach. I really don’t like this and I’m scared.


	41. Day 60

Day 60  
Another day. We met some firbolgs, a medicine woman and a young boy. Their people had been attacked by the same people who took our friends. I’m starting to get angry as well as scared.


	42. Day 61

Day 61  
We found them. We passed them and planned an ambush for them. I’m shaky and angry and scared. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone this badly. Łshin knows and has been trying to help calm me down. I can’t shoot arrows with shaky hands. I’m so scared, something always fucks over no matter how much we plan. I curled up against Molly tonight, hoping for some sort of comfort and warmth. It snowed early this morning and it’s going to snow more.


	43. Day 62

Day 62  
 ~~He’s dead.~~ He’s gone. All I have is his Platinum Dragon pendant and his coat. I couldn’t do anything. I wrote a note for him, and left it with him. I couldn’t do anything.  
\----  
Nila told us that when people die, their spirits become part of nature. I feel her people are similar to mine, as little as I know about them. But it still hurts to much. The only man to have ever loved me, at least, I believe to have loved me, and he’s gone now. It’s so cold. We buried Molly, shallow. I never got to tell him I loved him. I hope he knew. Even with his coat wrapped around me and curled into Łshin, the cold seems to consume me.


	44. Day 63

Day 63  
There was so much snow. I’m thankful for the fur I purchased and Łshin helped keep us warm. But it’s still so goddamn cold. It hurts. It makes me hurt more. We’re in Shady Creek now. It’s just as awful as I imagined. It’s depressing and makes me feel worse. I’m so thankful Kiri is safe. I don’t know how I’ll ever tell her about Molly. I don’t know if I will. At least not yet. Not after she’s just finally found a safe family. I’m sleeping alone tonight for the first time sine meeting up with this crew, this family. I brought Łshin up, for comfort and company. It hurts so much.


	45. Day 64

Day 64  
We’re waiting for the guards on top of the Iron Shepard’s hideout to leave, change, whatever. I’m so anxious I figured I’d write since I don’t know how long this’ll take and it’s already later than the usual time I do. We have another addition, a pink and grey firbolg named Caduceus Clay. He’s very kind and a very powerful healer. I’m scared this’ll go bad. In fact, I know it will go wrong. Nothing has ever went right for us. I want so badly to kill these people, though. I want me, in Molly’s coat, to be the last thing that fucker sees. I know Elders, in many different tribes, always say to never fuel anger and I won’t. After this is done. Once this is over, I’ll…  
\----  
It’s about 5 in the morning on technically day 65, but we saved them. We saved Jester, Fjord and Yasha, and Nila’s partner and son, and several others including Shakasta. I’m so happy for Nila, that she’s able to be with the one she loves, to be able to hold him again. It was hard breaking the news to Jester and Fjord. I don’t even want to break it to Yasha. I know though, that I, in Molly’s coat, was indeed the last thing that man ever saw. I won’t feed the beast anymore. As we were getting ready for bed, I took Molly’s coat off, folded it, and put it in my bag. Łshin is sleeping with me in the bubble Caleb made. I feel almost numb. I might talk with Caduceus and see if he knows any plant or something that can be used as an antidepressant. I’m trying not the relapse, but that dagger I carry feels even heavier on my side. I’ll try my damn hardest not to cut. And I’ll stay clear of any alcohol at all. I know that they’d both make it hurt less in the moment, but hurt more in a different way later. I’m just curling into Łshin’s side and going to sleep, to trying to anyway.


	46. Day 65

Day 65  
We’re escorting Ophelia back to the Gentleman. We’re going to stop by Molly ~~’s~~. Let Fjord and Jester and Yasha, if she’s conscious by then, to say goodbye. It’ll be hard, but I’m going to try as well. Caduceus is a very good cook, he feels like a mom friend. I quite like his company, he’s comforting. I’m riding in the cart with Jester, Nott and Yasha, with Caduceus steering the horses, and I’m beading a small medallion for Molly.


	47. Day 66

Day 66  
It continues to snow. It bites and makes everything silent. It makes me want to cry. I bundle up on the cart and bead. My fingers burn from the cold and sting from the pinpricks I’ve caused from stabbing my fingers with the needles.


	48. Day 67

Day 67  
Yasha woke up when we were with Molly. It broke my heart. I imagine her scream was not unlike mine. I left the medallion, a purple flower with a blue crescent moon, hanging from the marker. I feel empty.


	49. Day 68

Day 68  
Continuing on. It’s hard to draw, to bead, to do anything. The snow makes everything so quiet.


	50. Day 69

Day 69  
I managed to draw one thing today, Caduceus while he was tending to the horses this morning. Then, when I went to flip it closed, it flipped to a drawing of Molly, sleeping in the cart with Kiri curled up under his arm. I didn’t draw anymore.


	51. Day 70

Day 70  
I worry about Yasha, where ever she is. She must be hurting even more than me.


	52. Day 71

Day 71  
We passed Huperdook today. I hope Kiri is doing well. I’m sure she is. She’s with a very safe and loving family now. No matter what, she’ll always be a part of ours. I can see the celebrations in Huperdook from here. I’m crying once more and it’s difficult to write, but I know I must. All I can think about is that drunken night at the tavern, laughing and dancing and singing and Molly’s lips on mine.


	53. Day 72

Day 72  
I managed to draw once more. I sat up next to Caduceus and drew the carriages in front of us. It’s peaceful next to him. I don’t feel like crying when I sit with him


	54. Day 73

Day 73  
I rode on Łshin for most of the day. He knows how much I hurt and he brings me a lot of comfort. Tonight, he disappeared while we sat up camp and came back with some wintergreen berries and wild plums. I’m glad he can forage and it did make me feel a little better.


	55. Day 74

Day 74  
Got to the Crossroads today. We didn’t stop, since we’re escorting Ophelia. Didn’t look like there were too many tents there this time of year anyway.


	56. Day 75

Day 75  
I got a new rosette started. I figured I’d make something for Fjord’s new bag since it’s really creepy looking. I don’t really have a pattern in mind, but it’ll probably just be some blues and greens in a geometric design.


	57. Day 76

Day 76  
I drew more, it helps, I think. As long as I don’t flip through my sketchbook anyway. I tried to talk with the Great Spirit some more, but I don’t know if it’s even possible.


	58. Day 77

Day 77  
We should reach Zadash soon. I hope it’s not too much for Caduceus since he’s never been anywhere but Shady Creek and his cemetery. I feel like it’s diving straight into the deep end to take him straight to Zadash.


	59. Day 78

Day 78  
We can see the spires off far in the distance. We’ve stopped for the night, but we’ll be in Zadash tomorrow. It feels weird. I don’t want to stay long in all honesty. I don’t really know what our next plan of action is, maybe going to the coast to check out whoever sent that letter Jester found.


	60. Day 79

Day 79  
We’re spending 2 weeks in Zadash. We met with the Gentleman and received a very, very large sum of money and Caduceus tried alcohol for the first time which went about expected. Most everyone but Jester and I were in some form drunk off their ass. However, that pass I got to let Łshin into the city from winning the tournament is still valid, which is relieving.


	61. Day 80

Day 80  
Spent the day shopping. We visited Pumats again and honestly, it was cute how Caduceus reacted. I bought more beading and book supplies, I should be good for a long while.


	62. Day 81

Day 81  
I decided to show Caduceus around, I’m a little worried someone will take advantage of him. We spent the day together, getting to know each other. Łshin spends most of the days at the tavern, snoozing the day away. I guess since it’s weird for him to not be hibernating this time of year.


	63. Day 82

Day 82  
I spent the whole day wandering the streets and just drawing, anything and everything. I might have to make a new sketchbook soon.


	64. Day 83

Day 83  
I found somewhere to get tattoos. I spent the day there and got a purple hollyhock on my upper right arm, with a crescent moon around the bottom and a few peacock feathers. I wear mostly longer sleeves, so people likely won’t see it, but I… I need this. Plus it adds to the sleeve of tattoos that was already more or less forming. I should really spread out from my right side. I’ve already got almost my right leg filled up.


	65. Day 84

Day 84  
I search around with Łshin to find a bath house that’d let him in. I figured I would thank him for all the help and comfort he;s been these past months. I ended up at the place we all went before and got a private bath for just me and him. He’s very fluffy and soft now.


	66. Day 85

Day 85  
I wanted to thank everyone, so I made them all something. I finished the rosette for Fjord, for whenever he get back, a pair of small, beaded flower earrings for Jester, a small book for Caduceus and a hard cover book for Caleb, a star medallion for Nott and a beaded headband for Beau. I made a small flower rosette for Yasha, for when she comes back.


	67. Day 86

Day 86  
I’ve been in this world a long time. I have no leads, no clues, no ideas, nothing. I don’t know why I’m here and I don’t know what for. I miss home, I miss my mother, I miss my old life.


	68. Day 87

Day 87  
I finally did something with that rabbit pelt - I made a small pouch with a pretty beaded front.


	69. Day 88

Day 88  
Jester and Nott almost got arrested. Jester was on her usual shit and vandalised the Platinum Dragon temple.


	70. Day 89

Day 89  
Caduceus wanted to find a park, so I took him to the Tri Spires. They let us in fairly easily and found a nice green spot. I watched and drew while he meditated, then I took him to try to find that bakery Caleb and Jester talked about. The baked goods there were really incredible.


	71. Day 90

Day 90  
I wrote letters to both Kiri and Calianna and sent them off today. I included some little trinkets from Zadash in Kiri’s. I miss that girl so much.


	72. Day 91

Day 91  
It’s getting close to the time we decided to move on, though I don’t know if we’ve set in stone where we’re going. I’d like to leave soon.


	73. Day 92

Day 92  
We’re heading to the coast. I hope it’s a little warmer, as much as I love the cold, I want to see the ocean again. I want to smell the sea and the salt again.


	74. Day 93

Day 93  
Left Zadash finally, due to pass through Alfield in a few days.


	75. Day 94

Day 94  
Things are slow, casual. It’s kinda a nice change of pace.


	76. Day 95

Day 95  
We stopped in Alfield, said hello to Bryce. They're doing well and it was good to see them again. The town is rebuilding well. We’ll spend the night here in a tavern. I did miss this little town a bit.


	77. Day 96

Day 96  
On the way to Tronstenwald. We’re going to find Gustav, he deserves to know about Molly. It’s going to be a hard night, for all of us.


	78. Day 97

Day 97  
We arrived and went to find Gustav. It was hard to tell him, then Caduceus said some weird stuff and convinced us to pay off his debt and we freed Gustav. I think, it’s what Molly would have wanted. Being in this town is hard, it’s emotional. Molly brought us together here. But after this, it’s all new. Hopefully I’ll be able to start to heal, start to get better.


	79. Day 98

Day 98  
It’s relieving to be out of Tronstenwald. I am a little excited to see the coast. It’s nice to not feel completely numb.


	80. Day 99

Day 99  
As I was riding on Łshin, or more, as I was laying on his back and cloud watching as he walked alongside the cart, Nott poked her head out of the illusion and said how she had missed my singing and it was nice to hear it again. I hadn’t realised I was and I hadn’t realised that I stopped singing at night or on the road after Molly’s death.


	81. Day 100

Day 100  
I’ve been in this world for 100 days. I don’t know if I should celebrate, for surviving this long, or cry, for not having any leads. It’s weird and confusing. I still haven’t told anyone, but I want to, I want to so badly.


	82. Day 101

Day 101  
We left the Empire entirely today and we attacked by 2-headed giants shortly after passing though the gates. We came out mostly unscathed, only Caleb was injured so Caduceus healed him easily.


	83. Day 102

Day 102  
It’s getting warmer, probably only in the low 50s, but I remember the first day it was in the 50s back home, and my roommate and I went out on errands in only shorts and tee-shirts and complained about the ‘heat’ the whole time. I might have to get some cheap pants to chop up into some shorts.


	84. Day 103

Day 103  
Jester and Beau bought pets today. I was tempted as well, but Łshin is my priority. Nugget, the blink dog, seems to like Łshin and my big boy doesn't mind when the little puppy climbs and blinks all over him. Łshin really is such a docile and gentle giant towards anything that’s not a threat. I don’t know how he survived before I met him and nursed him back to health. Beau’s owl has almost the exact same personality as her and it’s very amusing and Jester’s little weasel is such a cutie. They all really livened up the gang as well as seeing all the other animals too. I won’t lie, Nugget helped cheer me up.


	85. Day 104

Day 104  
It’s so lush and tropical. There’s a jungle that’s absolutely beautiful. It’s warming up more, and I can feel the humidity even if it’s still a little chilly.


	86. Day 105

Day 105  
We’re getting closer, I bet we’ll be able to see the ocean tomorrow. My hair is staring to fluff from the humidity, so is Nott’s and Caduceus’ fur looks a little fluffed up too.


	87. Day 106

Day 106  
God, it’s so beautiful here. We all went straight to the sea and I was the first one pulling my boots off and my pant legs up to walk into the ocean. It’s so much like the beaches I lived on before. I missed the sea salt in the air. I found a pretty shell and some blue sea glass. Caleb just fucking walked into the ocean. Me and Łshin stayed near the shore for the most part, splashing each other and playing around. Nott got attacked by a crab. After Caduceus and Fjord went out swimming, I decided to join them as well. The sunset was amazing, just like the ones I used to see every evening. This city is so colourful, I love it already. We met Jester’s mother. She’s beautiful and an amazing singer. We told her just about everything that’s happened - Tronstenwald, the carnival, Molly and Yasha, Alfield and the manticore, the tournament in Zadash, the swamp and Kiri and Calianna, Keg and Nila, leaving a few things out here and there for sure, but it felt good talking about the good, happy memories. I sat on the floor, (it’s always been more comfy to do so) and as we were talking, Caduceus started to play with my hair. No one has done that in a long time. It felt nice. We think the Gentleman might be Jester’s dad. Marian said something about him that hit hard, about how a part of her heart will always be with this man, but you move on eventually. I think I needed to hear that, especially from her. I will always love Molly, a piece of my heart will always belong to him, but I will love another one day and that’s ok. Seeing this woman, and her interactions with Jester, really made me miss my mother.


	88. Day 107

Day 107  
We found Yasha again, then went and scared the shit out of that motherfucker who was bothering Jester’s mother. We’re gonna go find that guy whos last name no one can pronounce.  
\----  
It was the fucking hospital heist all over again.


	89. Day 108

Day 108  
We’re now on the open ocean, looking this Avantika lady. We spent the day getting supplies and a crew and we left the port in the late afternoon. Caduceus isn’t doing too well and I’m worried about him. I mean, he did almost die and was drowning, I don’t blame him for having some thoughts on that. I want to talk to him, tell him how he’s not alone in feeling confused and far from his Goddess. Since I feel so disconnect as well, maybe it’d bring some comfort knowing that I’m in the same boat, no pun intended. I just want to help him feel better. He seems like the type who’s always listening to others, but hasn’t had someone listen to him, at least not in a long while. Last night I tried to talk to the Great Spirit again. I’ll keep an eye on the stars, maybe I’ll see something there. Łshin isn’t enjoying the boat, but I’m thankful he’s with me.


	90. Day 109

Day 109  
The sea is strange. You move but it seems like you’re not since everything is still the same. I’ve been on many, many boats in my life, but only once did I ever go far enough out that I couldn’t see land anymore. I’m also getting terribly seasick and spent a good portion of today hanging off the side of the ship vomiting. Caduceus was very kind and made me some tea that really helped with the nausea. I was even able to sit down and make a new journal since this one is almost filled. I’ve only got 6 more pages left.


	91. Day 110

Day 110  
Wasn’t as seasick today. Caduceus made me another cup of tea first thing. I feel bad since I’m taking a bunch of his stock of these herbs, but I’m also the only one who gets seasick. Even Łshin is fine. Last night, I woke up nauseous and went up to the deck to get some fresh air and have somewhere if I needed to vomit and as I was hanging over the edge, I saw these massive, beautiful, white bioluminescent jellyfish. I stayed up watching them until I could no longer see them, and it was a huge group too. I was probably up there for 2 hours.


	92. Day 111

Day 111  
We are apparently close, Orly says we should be at the island by tomorrow. I hope so, I never really liked boats much.


	93. Day 112

Day 112  
We were attacked by harpies last night then had to board Avantika’s ship this morning and now we’re being forced to spend the night here. We’re going to a temple of a Leviathan known as Uk’otoa tomorrow. I’m nervous, I don’t like this woman and something feels off. I had to leave Łshin back our boat, the Mistake. Orly will make sure he’s taken care of well, I’m sure.


	94. Day 113

Day 113  
We’re in the fucking jungle and I’m miserable. It’s hot and humid and there’s so many fucking bugs. I don't like being away from Łshin and I really don’t trust Avantika or her guide, but I’ll tolerate them until w  
\----  
Caduceus and Jester were attacked by mutated leopards. Or maybe that’s just how leopards look in this world. Caduceus is hurt really badly and I’m really worried about him. I’m terrified of losing someone else I care about. I can’t go through that again. I can’t sleep now. I’m just going to keep an eye on Caduceus tonight and make sure he stays ok.


	95. Day 114

Day 114  
Fucking hell. I’m so glad I shoved my bag in Jester’s. I saw the water rising and there was just enough room in her bag for mine. My hands are still shaky and fuck, it was so bad. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in 3 years. I forgot how drained they make you. I just clung onto Caduceus since he was next to me in the row boat and hyperventilated. I wasn’t allowed to bring Łshin over from the Mistake onto Avantika’s ship. I need someone to hold me and for me to curl into. Łshin took care of me as much as I took care of him the first weeks I was in this world, he would throw a massive paw over me as I slept next to him. The temple we went to filled with water after we killed a hydra and Fjord and Avantika went down into the well. Said hydra almost killed me. I went unconscious for a little while there. Overall, it was terrible. Caduceus almost drowned again, Beau almost died as well. I used to love the water, but fuck, I wish I was away from it now.


	96. Day 115

Day 115  
Caduceus held me last night. He saw me trembling and was the one I grabbed onto during my attack, and later on the ship he asked me what was wrong. And I don’t know if it was the anxiety attack from earlier, the exhaustion, the fact that I hadn’t talked deeply with anyone, the fact that the only one I was going to tell died before I could tell him, but I just told him everything. About being from another world, about how I met Łshin, about being disconnected from my Gods, about the depression I’ve felt and how Łshin would lay around me to help calm me down. And he just opened his arms and had me curl up against his chest all night. His fur is soft and he is very warm.


	97. Day 116

Day 116  
We spent a day already back out at sea and we’ve got about 13 more days to go. I asked Orly to teach me how to navigate the stars. Avantika finally allowed Łshin to come and be with me again, as long as I am always with him.


	98. Day 117

Day 117  
It’s so funny watching the other crew get tattoos, they’re honestly all wusses. I let Orly give me one on my left shoulder blade, a black bear, for Łshin. Orly was honestly one of the best artists I’ve worked with, hardly felt a thing. It was a little strange not using a tattoo gun, I’ve had a stick-and-poke before, but this felt different than that as well.


	99. Day 118

Day 118  
Things are slow going. I’m spending several nights on deck with Orly, learning the stars. They’re a lot different here in this world. Caduceus has been very sweet to me, asking me about my home and my people and my family when it’s just the two of us. It’s so good to finally be able to talk about it, like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders.


	100. Day 119

Day 119  
I haven’t been as nervous or seasick recently, maybe I’m finally getting used to the open ocean.


	101. Day 120

Day 120  
Saw some strange fish today. They reminded me of oarfish, but off colour a little. If I remember right seeing oarfish near the surface is always a bad omen, They don’t come up from the deep ocean unless they’re sick or dying.


	102. Day 121

Day 121  
Łshin’s found a way to be helpful. We’ve been using his strength to help with some of the heavy lifting and pulling. He’s been enjoying himself, he’s happy to assist.


	103. Day 122

Day 122  
We fully acted as pirates today. We boarded a ship and took supplies and frozen fruit and some magic paintbrush and paint. It didn’t feel good.


	104. Day 123

Day 123  
Caduceus came up to me today and told me he had a gift. Of course I was curious because we’re in the middle of the ocean. He opened his hands and had a strawberry there. He told me how he remembered me saying that they’re my favourite and that he wanted to give me a little bit of home, so while he and Jester were making food, he made me a strawberry. And, yeah, I cried a little. It wasn’t full on sobbing or bawling, but a few tears came. Probably because I’m not used to people remembering what I talk about or being kind to me, or that the last time I had a strawberry was at the Harvest’s Close festival and Molly had given one to me. But I thanked him and gave him a hug. He gives good hugs.


	105. Day 124

Day 124  
I spoke with Caduceus about the Wildmother. I’ve been interested in the religions of this world. I’d ask Jester about the Traveller, but I know that would be like opening a flood gate. I might talk with Yasha, though. I wish I had talked with Molly about this.


	106. Day 125

Day 125  
I had a strange dream last. I was in a evergreen forest, it was foggy and misty. I wandered forward, not really having any idea of where to go and I came across a clearing. Directly across from me was an elk, to my right was a black bear and to my left a wolf. In the centre of the clearing was a bleeding heart plant in full bloom. It got dark quickly, the animals eyes all glowed faintly while above me the clouds parted and the full, single moon shone down on the clearing. I don’t know what it meant, but it felt like home.


	107. Day 126

Day 126  
We should reach Darktow sometime tomorrow. It’ll be nice to get the fuck off this boat for some time.


	108. Day 127

Day 127  
We landed in Darktow this evening. This place is really scary. We met the Plank King and he scared me really badly. I bullshitted a story about Łshin and I were fleeing the war and became pirates of desperation. He left a bad feeling in my gut. Jester then got into a bar fight. Then, to top it off, we broke into Avantika’s cabin. Well, Nott and Jester did. Someone ended up stabbed and another snapped his leg. Caduceus, Yasha and I stayed in the tavern. I’m really glad that we did. What we did find is unsettling. I always had my suspicions that Avantika planned to kill Fjord and I feel this is some evidence towards that feeling.


	109. Day 128

Day 128  
Fucking hell. We were called to Avantika’s ship and Caleb made a wall fire and there was a fucking awful fight, well more us trying to fucking get the hell out of the ship and them firing at us. I got hit badly with a heavy crossbow bolt, Fjord summoned a fucking demon. Łshin got held down by the ‘guards’ and they were being awful to him and I was so scared they’d kill him. I managed to calm him down and sat down next to him and pressed my head to him and just sat there until the Plank King came down. He heard the plot against him from Avantika and just, broke her neck. He then banished us and we left, taking our original crew and Avantika’s heavily damaged ship and are now floating towards where Fjord’s old ship went down.


	110. Day 129

Day 129  
With Jester and Caduceus’ help, we’re able to cut the travel time severely. It should take about 5 or so days to get to where Fjord’s ship was. I just want to on land. I missed the ocean for sure but fuck, I’ve had my fill.


	111. Day 130

Day 130  
First entry in the new journal I made several days (weeks?) ago. Orly has been helping me with learning the stars more, but it’s been mostly cloudy. It’s making me anxious.


	112. Day 131

Day 131  
It started to rain today. Thankfully, no thunderstorms. Yasha seems at ease and Caduceus seems less anxious, which I’m glad for both of them.


	113. Day 132

Day 132  
Cloudy again. I stayed below deck mostly, laying with Łshin and helping Caduceus with meal prep. It’s comforting to be around him, his presence is so warm and inviting and just makes me feel better.


	114. Day 133

Day 133  
We’ve arrived in the area of the shipwreck. Jester and Caduceus tried to locate it with no luck.


	115. Day 134

Day 134  
Another full day of searching and right at the end of the day, Caduceus got a blip os something. Trying more in the morning.


	116. Day 135

Day 135  
We found the ship. We’ll be going down below first thing in the morning. I’m a little excited to be able to explore the bottom of the ocean.


	117. Day 136

Day 136  
We went to the bottom of the ocean. It was phenomenal. We saw actual, real whales. Then we got attacked by more merrow and some sea witch? Mermaid? I don’t know what she was but she was terrifying and made a massive storm above the sea just as we were leaving. It was, though, amazing to see the bottom of the ocean. I remember always dreaming about it when I was little.


	118. Days 137-144

Days 137-144  
Don’t really know how to write this entry but holy fuck. We found a stowaway, a sweet little gnome girl named Twiggy who had this arcane, golden orb that, after Caleb fiddled with it, sent us to an extra-dimensional realm. We went through 3 chambers and in the third was a dragon who almost killed the lot of us. In fact, I think for a moment, I was clinically dead. I remember going up to the crystal that sent everyone else away, turning back to the dragon and shooting another arrow, not wanting to abandon Twiggy, then black. Then I woke up, I wasn’t in any pain and I was in a blizzard, but I didn’t feel cold. I stood up and before I could move further, something came through the blizzard, purple and red and blue and gold. And Molly stood there, just the same as when I saw him the very first time in the tavern in Tronstenwald. He walked up to me and smiled, softly, sadly. He put his hand on my cheek and said “It’s not time.” He let go of my cheek and I was falling, but I didn’t the ground we had been standing on. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, gasping, I was on the ship with Caduceus leant over me, looking panicked. Twiggy had grabbed my hand after I went down and brought me back with her. Caduceus immediately stabilised me and then tried to heal me but it hadn’t been working right away. Once I was awake, Twiggy said her goodbyes and left into the Isle we’ve been at. We apparently were gone for 7 days. I haven’t even really processed any of that, I just got up with the help of Caduceus and Łshin and went to bed. I’m writing first, I can’t let me forget any of that. Caduceus just came in to check on me and brought some food. I’m gonna try to eat and then I’m gonna pass out.


	119. Day 145

Day 145  
Bisaft Isle is a neat little island. I had the first alcohol that I didn’t mind, it was very sweet and didn’t taste horrid or hurt going down. I won’t be drinking it regularly or anything, but I didn’t mind it. It’s storming really bad and I’m highkey anxious and panicking. I’m glad that I share a room with Caduceus, just having him in the same room comforts me.


	120. Day 146

Day 146  
Last night, I was woken up when Yasha came into the room to talk to Caduceus. She was banged up to hell and back so Caduceus healed her and since I was awake, I joined them and Jester for tea. I feel hurt for her. I imagine she likely had to watch her wife die as well as part of the punishment and I know what that feels like - to watch someone die in front of you that you care about. I may not have known Molly long, but I know I loved him, every other time I’ve been in love was fast and hard just like it was with Molly. Losing him hurt, a pain I don’t think I’ll ever have the words to properly describe. I told her that, that I understood and that I’m always happy to lend a shoulder and that I consider her as family, just the same as the rest of this group. I’m going to keep an extra close eye out for flowers now, to give to Yasha for her wife. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I stayed up, waiting out the storm.


	121. Day 147

Day 147  
It was a lot easier to navigate the bottom of the ocean today. We didn’t go nearly as deep. It was just as beautiful. Much more tropical and colourful here. Cleared this temple a lot quicker than the one with the snake people with significantly less danger. Then we got attacked, or there was an attempt at attacking, by pirates. Caduceus knocked their ship over and that was that. We’re finally heading back to Nicodranas. I don’t think it’ll be much problem since we accidentally stole that ship at night so they won’t have proper descriptions of us plus they’re looking for the Mist not the Ball Eater.


	122. Day 148

Day 148  
I’m excited to be back in Nicodranas. I can’t wait to be back on dry land. Łshin is excited too, I can tell.


	123. Day 149

Day 149  
While in Nicodranas, if we have time, I want to find an embroidery hoop and a lot more thread so I can make some more stuff. I haven’t embroidered in a while and I want to customise my clothes some. They’re just plain colours except my poncho so it’d be nice to pattern them some.


	124. Day 150

Day 150  
I’m going to miss Orly. I spent last night on deck with him, going over the stars again. They’re a lot different than in my world, but I think I’ve got the basics down. Orly seemed to think so too. We should get to port tomorrow, sometime in the morning.


	125. Day 151

Day 151  
It’s wonderful to be back on land. We’re going to head back up into the Empire once we figure out what’s up with this tower and it’s mage. I went out to get some crafting supplies - thread, beads and an embroidery hoop - and Yasha joined me. It was honestly really nice to spend some casual time with her. Nugget’s gotten awfully big and he’s supposed to get even bigger. The more I think about this tower and the mage, the more I need to talk to them. They might be my only lead to get home. They must know something or at the very least know where to go to get more information. I have to talk to them. I have to.


	126. Day 152

Day 152  
I don’t even know where to start. Beau and Caduceus were allowed entry to the tower and before they went in, I grabbed Caduceus’ arm and begged him to ask the mage about my situation. Then the rest of us were stuck outside for a decent amount of time before we all were let in. After some discussion, Yussa looked over at me and asked me what my question was, (Caduceus said it was best for him to hear it directly from me) and I just, I told him everything, in front of everyone. Yussa had never heard of anything like this before and I wasn’t sure if he believed me at first. But, either way, he had never heard of anything like this happening. He said he would send word if he came across anything but what little hope I had is gone. I don’t think I’ll be going back home.


	127. Day 153

Day 153  
Left Nicodranas today. 4 days to the Gates then 4 more days to Tronstenwald. I hope we just go quickly through this town. I feel a little lagging, I guess I’m just disheartened from yesterday. It is nice to be on the road again, I missed this a lot. I missed camping and fields. It’g going to be cold again and I’ll be putting those pelts back to use.


	128. Day 154

Day 154   
It’s weird now that my story is out. They’ll just ask me things about home. Jester asked me about the art school I was a student at while we were on watch last night. It’s weird to just talk about home. It’s god though. If I thought just telling Caduceus was a weight off my shoulders, I might as well me floating now.


	129. Day 155

Day 155  
Nugget and Łshin are getting along well. Łshin is really happy to roam around again and Nugget’s just happy to be out and about.


	130. Day 156

Day 156  
Starting to feel the nip in the air and my hair is finally going back to normal now that the humidity’s decreasing.


	131. Day 157

Day 157  
Went through the Gates without issue. It was much more nerve-wracking going into the Empires than it was to leave.


	132. Day 158

Day 158  
I miss the clear skies of Nicodranas a little, but I do like the cloudy weather. It’s a nice change of pace.


	133. Day 159

Day 159  
Fjord asked me about home last night, just some general questions. It’s really good to be able to talk freely.


	134. Day 160

Day 160  
I sat up with Caduceus today, drawing the scenery. It’s nice to not draw the sea or the boat. Though, I did get some decent portraits of the crew and some really nice croquis of everyone working the ship.


	135. Day 161

Day 161  
Passed through Tronstenwald. I’m glad we didn’t stop long. It hurts being in that town.


	136. Day 162

Day 162  
I’m excited to be in Alfield again. I think that little town is my favourite. It’s small but nice and the people are kind.


	137. Day 163

Day 163  
Bryce is still well, or as well as they can be in these times. It’s always good to see them.


	138. Day 164

Day 164  
It’s so fucking cold at night. I woke up this morning snuggled up to Caduceus while wrapped in 2 of my furs as well. He didn’t seem to mind at all and even had an arm over my waist. It made my chest feel weird. I can’t be falling in love again this fast. I mean, life moves fast here and we’re always in a lot of danger, I’ve almost died 3 times and everyone else just as many if not more times than me. I don’t know. I’m a little confused now.


	139. Day 165

Day 165  
Should reach Felderwin tomorrow. I’m nervous about it. I hope anyone Nott cared about is safe.


	140. Day 166

Day 166  
The more we continue, the more things get confusing and strange and scary. We came to Felderwin and learnt that Nott is actually a halfling named Veth with a husband and a son. She died and was changed into a goblin. She said she was brought to a hooded magical woman who is the one who had her killed and changed and I can’t help but think back to Molly, who had a run in with a hooded magical woman that lead him to dying and coming back to life. It’s probably just a coincidence, but I’ll keep it in mind. Then Caleb said that he was experimented on by the Cerberus Assembly and that his real name was Bren. I’m also starting to think that the Kyrn are being blamed for a lot more than they’re actually doing. It’s obvious propaganda because of wartime and general hatred as well, but something just doesn’t stick well with me. If Caleb was experimented on, what if the children going missed in Nogvurot aren’t being kidnapped by the Kryn, but by the Cerberus Assembly? I feel like I’m falling down a conspiracy theory rabbit hole. I’m going to bed.


	141. Day 167

Day 167  
We’re going to Xhorhas to find Nott’s husband. This is probably a really, really bad idea but oh well. Not much of a plan, but that actually makes me less nervous, because our plans always go wrong.


	142. Day 168

Day 168  
Another day traveling this tunnel. Had to fight some fuckign rock monster tentacle things.


	143. Day 169

Day 169  
Still traveling. This is worse than traveling at sea. I’m about ready to punch Caleb.


	144. Day 170

Day 170  
We’re getting inventive on how to deal with the boredom. Frumpkin literally danced on his back legs. Beau wanted to take those mushrooms again then Jester gave her one of the smut stories we’ve been collecting to read aloud. I tried telling some stories of the tribes around my region, but I’m no storyteller and the stories were all originally oral anyway so they’re not very long. We ran into some kobolds and got through them by giving them some food. Then we had to fucking book it passed some fire giants.


	145. Day 171

Day 171  
It’s god damn terrifying here. Immediately we were attacked and watched a bunch of rangers get killed in minutes. There’s big creatures roaming around in the distance like some horror post-apocalyptic videogame where everything wants to kill you.


	146. Day 172

Day 172  
Encountered a fucking massive bird of prey that completely killed off a group of bug bears. One survived and is guiding us to a ‘city of beasts’ so we can find some mounts. Otherwise it’ll be 2 and a half weeks to walk to where we need to go.


	147. Day 173

Day 173  
Asarius is a little scary but also extremely interesting. It’s as Gluzo said, it’s the city of beasts - goblinkin, orcs, minotaurs, gnolls and many others as well as drow too. There’s giant tortoises and these funky cat things. We got 3 of them actually. I really like them. Łshin doesn’t seem to be a fan of them. I’ll definitely be keeping him in the bubble with us whenever we have to camp. There was this rift to the Abyssal plane under the… stables? Nott and Jester went to the lady who overlooks the city and got 2 jobs from her that pay crazy good.


	148. Day 174

Day 174  
Staying in some awfully cramped quarters but it’s a roof. The plan is to leave tomorrow morning after finding the root of the rifts very, very late this evening for 10 000 gold. We could really use the coin.


	149. Day 175

Day 175  
We’re taking a rest now, it’s early dawn and fucking hell. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this, whatever this is. Caduceus died. I watched him die. Jester had her diamond still thank every God that’s on this fucking plane as well as mine but fuck. I just, I’ve had to watch 2 people I love dearly die and I couldn’t do anything either time.  
\----  
We’re in the Dynasty capital now. Yeza is free. We’re trying to figure out what to do. The Empire isn’t necessarily bad, it’s the Cerberus Assembly. I think the long term plan is likely to destroy that and end this war. There are people, innocents, we need to protect - Kiri, Yeza, Luke, Bryce, Calianna - and like Molly said, we have to leave every place better than we found it. Maybe someone here will also know something more about what happened to me. But overall, I don’t really know what to do, everything is confusing and scary. I’m just going to sleep, try to forget everything for a bit.


	150. Day 176

Day 176  
This city is interesting, I actually like it quite a lot. We went shopping and got some supplied to head out tomorrow morning to kill some giants.


	151. Day 177

Day 177  
I know why they’re called the Ghostlands now. It was pretty, but really spooky. There were these ancient ruins and dozens of actual ghosts and spirits. I’ve seen my fair share of ghosts in my world, but they were always out of the corner of my eye or something, never full on for minutes at a time. It was unsettling but still strangely beautiful.


	152. Day 178

Day 178  
The giants are only here because they lost their home so we’re going to help reclaim it. Also the guy the professor told us to publicly humiliate is a fucking douche and I’m so excited to read his saucy letter to everyone.


	153. Day 179

Day 179  
Another of those rift devices was found in the ‘bone pit’ of these giants. One identical to the one we found in Asarius. It’s obvious someone is planting them, but why? I could understand the reasoning in planting one in the city, but these giants have no connection to the Kryn so why them? Were they the first targets, a test of some sort? But they had only been experiencing this for a week, while the city had been for several weeks. But still, why were these giants targeted? They’re isolated and keep to themselves. Did whoever plant the device know that they would go to the mines? That’s too much of a variable, they couldn’t depend on that outcome. None of this makes any sense.


	154. Day 180

Day 180  
I’m fucking exhuasted. We rode through the night to get back to Rosohna and it’s well passed midnight by a few hours. There’s been a lot of talk about Gods and religion with everyone, it’s really interesting. I’ll go through the little medallions I nabbed from the merrow den in the swamp and talk to the others about the Gods they represent. I’ve just been so lonely without my ancestors and my Gods. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I’m tired.


	155. Day 181

Day 181  
We… have a house.


	156. Day 182

Day 182  
I was mostly in shock yesterday from getting a full ass house but I’m actually really excited. Caduceus planted his tree thing so there’s this massive tree on top of our house now. The house itself is so big, I don’t know what to do with it. I’m gonna make a little area outside for Łshin for sure, to keep him separate from the moorbounders and let him have his own space.


	157. Day 183

Day 183  
Still making the house ours. This is everything I ever dreamt of with my friends back home - having a big house we all can live in and just making it ours.


	158. Day 184

Day 184  
Following inspiration from Jester, I got some painting supplies and painted the roof of my room with stars, my world’s stars and constellations and planets. I’m a little rusty but I loved the sky and I remember a lot. The placement is most definitely off but it’s my little bit of home.


	159. Day 185

Day 185  
I’m so excited about what Caduceus and Jester are doing. I love Caddie’s garden so much and they’re making some fancy lights now and if everything works out, this is absolutely going to be the best and most personalised house on the block.


	160. Day 186

Day 186  
Got Łshin’s little sanctuary done and built. I spend the day in there painting it to look a little more like home, but he’s always welcome inside the house as well.


	161. Day 187

Day 187  
They’re fucking magic fairy lights. It looks amazing and I can’t believe this is real.


	162. Day 188

Day 188  
I successfully embarrassed myself in front of Essek this afternoon. I was painting my door just to use up the rest of the paint I got and Łshin came and knocked over some of the paint and got it all over himself and me as well so I had to chase him downstairs and as I was herding him down, turns out Essek had came in with Caleb, Beau, Fjord and Yasha and Łshin nearly barreled straight into all of them. He stumbled and made me trip over him moving to avoid them and we ended up in a heap of bear, human and paint right in front of Essek. I really hope I didn’t screw anything up for Caleb, but he did still get a few spells from Essek and he stayed long enough for a drink.


	163. Day 189

Day 189  
The garden Caddie is making is going so well, I’m so excited to see the plants fully grown. I help out here and there with him. It’s such a good environment and it’s nice to have some daylight.


	164. Day 190

Day 190  
Found the place that that man mentioned. It’s very much a front - Beau and Nott found drugs and magic dust in the back plus an invisible bug bear guard. I’m more curious how a human that’s not us is gonna get into the city.


	165. Day 191

Day 191  
Quick entry before we head out. We told the queen about everything and are gonna go stake out the apothecary and hope for the best.


	166. Day 192

Day 192  
Just like every other plan of ours, this one fucked up too .We’re now heading through some super dangerous and deadly desert/badlands place. I’m anxious, this land doesn’t feel right. Maybe I’m just being paranoid but I don’t like this. It should take us 3 days to get to where this guy is heading. I’m hoping with the moorbounders and this shortcut, we’ll be able to intercept.


	167. Day 193

Day 193  
Still going after this guy. This world is fucking terrifying. We fought these creatures that were straight out of a Silent Hill game. They howled and moaned and looked withered and sad. I can’t even put to words everything about them. I was scared shitless. I wanna get out of this place quickly. And I will make a fucking scene if we have to come back this way.


	168. Day 194

Day 194  
Got attacked by some weird wyvern like things that had hearts of ice?? Still a little confused on how that works but we’re at a massive tree now that the Wildmother left here. As much as I believe in the Gods of my home, the Gods here feel so much more prevalent.


	169. Day 195

Day 195  
Another strange dream, wanted to write it down before I could forget. I was on a grassy hill, a huge field all around me. The grass came up to about my knee and it was a perfectly clear night, but it was snowing. The moons shone down on me and lit up the field.. Then I blinked and I was on a snowy mountain, the night sky still clear and the moons still in view but the Aurora Borealis was in the sky, bright ribbons of green and pink. I heard a girl laugh behind me, not mean or anything, actually kinda welcoming and warm but I woke up before I could turn around.  
\----  
We are being stalked by a fucking roc. I’m actually more terrified of this fucking giant bird than almost anything else we’ve ever fought. Maybe. Anyway, most everyone went up into the tree, Yasha, Caddie and I stayed down. They pissed the roc off and we’ve been chased for a while. We’re in Bazzoxan now, looking the drow man.


	170. Day 196

Day 196  
Where ever the fuck we are is fucking scary. I hate this so fucking much. I’m fucking terrifed. I wanna be back in Rosohna already. This place is bad.


	171. Day 197

Day 197  
Why does everything go so, so wrong? Yasha’s gone, we failed to stop a demigod? A magic beast? I don’t fucking know what it was, but it’s been released. This whole situation is fucking shitty. I want to go home but I don’t want to leave the people I love here with this mess. Through all of this, though, and it pains me to say it, I’m glad Molly is dead right now. Seeing Yasha like that would have broken him. At least he didn’t have to see that. I’m gonna try to sleep but I don’t think I’m going to be able. I’ve had this aching recently, in my chest. I don’t know what it is, but it’s been getting worse.


	172. Day 198

Day 198  
The Bright Queen wants to meet with us. We leave via Caleb’s transportation spell in the morning. I’m anxious but like Caddie said, we’ve done nothing wrong. We failed in stopping the Laughing Hand, but we’re not the ones who summoned him. We had no idea that would happen and we’re trying to make amends and help stop it. Either way, I’m still scared.


	173. Day 199

Day 199  
We’re in Rosohna, going to Nicodranas in the morning. This spell of Caleb’s is amazing. It took weeks to get from Nicodranas to just Asarius, and now we could do it in just a few seconds. Then we’re going to North, to find the Dust family.


	174. Day 200

Day 200  
Calianna sent us gifts. She sent me a little wooden bear paw and Łshin got a matching one on a much longer cord. I’ll give it to him tomorrow morning when we’re back in Rosohna, since I left him there with Dairon because I knew this would be a quick trip and didn’t think we would be fighting today. Cali also sent a little Platinum Dragon charm for Molly. I’m keeping it, right with his pendant I have. I cried when I read her part of the letter for him. “Please keep everyone smiling for me!” I want to write her back so badly, to thank her, let her know we’re okay, but I’d have to tell her about Molly and it’d break her heart. I am going to make her something though, maybe a little beaded pendant, have Jester send it with the letter she writes. I’ll write something as well.


	175. Day 201

Day 201  
It’s fucking cold as shit. The snow is nearly knee deep for me and even all bundled up, my fingers still get numb. But the kiln is warm at least, I’m glad we made it and didn’t have to camp.


	176. Day 202

Day 202  
Trying to get to this Dwarven and Elven city. Beau and Caddie both almost died. I fucking hate centipedes as it is, they really didn’t need to make them this fucking big. Fjord’s accent kinda makes him sound like a pompous douche, not gonna lie, but it’s still him.


	177. Day 203

Day 203  
Reached Uthodurn today finally, after Nott shot Beau in the ass with a fucking gun and the made us get chased by wolves. Either way, Uthodurn is a really neat city. I’m really excited to explore it some.


	178. Day 204

Day 204  
It’s been a long and eventful day. We met with the dwarf, Umagorn Smeltborne, and he can fix his father’s sword but we need to get a white dragon to breathe on some metal. We met a young woman with a golden halo, Reani. She’s a little black and white in her thinking, but she’s good. She’s talented and good with magic. It’s kinda weird being the one of the few with no magic, just me and Beau, though I guess Fjord now too. I hope he’ll get his powers back, not just for the group’s sake, but for his own. His personal self worth has diminished. Anyway, zipped back to Xhorhas to have Essek teleport us to the dragon’s mountain, killed some yetis and now we just gotta get this centuries old dragon to breathe on metal.


	179. Day 205

Day 205  
We’re resting at Reani’s home tonight and it’s really nice. Made a big pillow pile. Also we almost died by an ancient ice dragon. It was fucking massive and fucking terrifying. I’m so glad for Caleb’s dome, that thing was the only thing between us and an extremely pissed off dragon. Though, it said something about ‘now knowing our scent’ which is… terrifying. Guess we’re going to be stalked by a roc AND a dragon now. Maybe they’ll fight and we’ll only have to deal with one.


	180. Day 206

Day 206  
Returning to the Dust’s kiln. I’m nervous about this trek since we have 2 passengers and barely got through alive the first time.


	181. Day 207

Day 207  
Should get to the kiln sometime tomorrow. Still nervous, if anything, I’m more nervous since nothing happened yesterday.


	182. Day 208

Day 208  
Somehow got back to the sanctum without trouble actually. It’s kinda nice to think that maybe we were being protected by the Gods since Caddie keeps saying that this is the Wildmother’s will and that the sword has something to do with the Moonweaver. Umagorn says it’ll take all night to reforge this weapon. Honestly, if I knew how to use swords, I would have asked to wield it. I keep having dreams about the moons, more than I’ve written about only because that’s typically all I remember - the moons. I don’t know. Probably because I’ve been missing Molly badly recently and now that we’ve lost Yasha. I feel like I failed him. I want to talk to Caddie, but this is his thing right now. I don’t want to dampen it with people from the past or my own issues.


	183. Day 209

Day 209  
We went back to Rosohna today. Umagorn finished the sword and it’s absolutely beautiful. Reani took him and his assistant back to Uthodurn. I think we’re going back to Zadash. It’s getting more obvious that the Assembly has their hands in this Abyss stuff.


	184. Day 210

Day 210  
We had to go to Nicodranas so it’ll take a while to get back to Zadash, but we’re decently familiar with this path already. Got some horses, Łshin seems to think he can keep up with me on his back (AKA he wouldn’t let me near the stables to buy a horse) but he is large and strong, should he should be able to.


	185. Day 211

Day 211  
This trek is going to be stressful. It’s already tense as it is with Yasha having attacked the Cobalt Library. From what Jester said, I think she’s still in there, but just can’t control her body.


	186. Day 212

Day 212  
Should reach the gate tomorrow. Making good headway with the horses and Łshin is doing good with keeping up.


	187. Day 213

Day 213  
Almost didn’t get through the gates. Jester charmed the guards super quick thankfully. I really hope we find a circle in Zadash so we don’t have to go through the gates again. I feel like they’re going to have like forensic drawings of us with ‘do not let these people enter’ under them or something.


	188. Day 214

Day 214  
Due to pass through Trostenwald. Always feels gross and makes me chest feel hollow. Jester scried on Yasha and it seems like her and the fiends might be in Beau’s home town or near there.


	189. Day 215

Day 215  
We continue to Zadash, Beau and Jester sent a message to her father and everything is fine in Kamorda.


	190. Day 216

Day 216  
As much as I didn’t want to, we’re staying at the tavern were we began. I hate it. I’ve been feeling distant lately and this made everything hurt a little more.


	191. Day 217

Day 217  
Last night I had another dream of the moon. They’ve been increasing in frequency. This time I was on that road, the one with the 2 hills where everything went to shit. Snow was just starting to fall and the moons were high in the sky, the larger seeming even larger and brighter. I heard steps behind me, I couldn’t tell if it was an animal or people and I woke up before I could turn around.


	192. Day 218

Day 218  
Should reach Alfield first thing in the morning. We didn’t want to push the horses too much so we’re resting again. Once we’re put of Alfield, I think I’m going to try something weird.


	193. Day 219

Day 219  
In Alfield. The repairs are going extremely well. Bryce got shipped off to Bladegarden. I worry for them. I don’t know what God to pray to for keeping soldiers safe, but I really hope nothing happens to them.


	194. Day 220

Day 220  
I’m trying my weird idea out tonight. Once everyone’s asleep, I’m going to leave the bubble, wake Łshin just in case and try to communicate with the Moonweaver. I’m going to put on Molly’s coat too. I want to see if the dreams are related to her. It’s a longshot but I don’t have much to go off of here and I’ve been repeatedly seeing moons in my dreams so there has to be something.


	195. Day 221

Day 221  
My commune was… strange? I sat down and looked up at the moon in Molly’s jacket and just asked why I was here, if she was trying to tell me something, that I didn’t fully understand. I didn’t get anything for a while and just when I was starting to feel dumb, I felt a pressure on my back, like a hand, and a woman’s voice but I couldn’t make out words. I think I’ll go ahead and talk to Caddie, see if he has any suggestions.


	196. Day 222

Day 222  
This morning we found some farmers that had been killed by goblins and likely ogres. It was really sad. It fucked me up a little, knowing they had been attacked right here while we slept less than a mile away. But that’s just how this world works.


	197. Day 223

Day 223  
Should reach Zadash tomorrow. I talked to Caddie a little last night about the Moonweaver and my experience the night before. He gave me some incense to try again tonight. I need to remember to pay him back. He said that incense usually helps him when he talks with the Wildmother, so maybe it’ll help me.


	198. Day 224

Day 224  
I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to write this entry. We’re pausing for an hour right now. Starting from the top - I tried Caddie’s incense last night and tried to talk to the Moonweaver again. This time I got a few words. “I am here. I’ve been watching.” It’s really exciting. I never felt fully connected to the Great Spirit or my ancestors because of everything then getting shoved in this world , but this, this was real. She was really there. I don’t know why she picked me, but I feel… better. Safe. Next - we reached Zadash and went straight to the Archives. We figured out what Obann and co. were looking for, used the transportation circles, got the Reserves in both Rexxentrum and Port Damali pissed the fuck off at us, then went back to Rosohna where we had Essek bring us to the swamp/marsh/whatever the fuck this is. He wasn’t very happy. I’ll make him something, as part of a little apology. Now, we’re following Obann and co. They’re extremely close so we’re going to try to get the drop on them now. This is stupid dangerous, but if it works, they won’t be able to summon another fiend.  
\----  
Morale is low and everything is shit. We didn’t die, but fuck. It still feels bad. I’m exhausted and we’re all sleeping in Caleb’s bubble in the library because now we’re being watched. Łshin is sleeping just outside it, I wanted him to be nearby as well. We’ve lost so many times in just the past few weeks. It’s hard to feel cheery or optimistic. I’m trying to, real hard, but it’s just not working.


	199. Days 225-236

Days 225-236  
I’m really just guessing ahead on the days. We’re back in the Happy Fun Ball of Twiggy’s, partly because Yussa’s been missing in here for 3 weeks and partly because the Laughing Hand’s heart is in here too and if we destroy it, we destroy the Laughing Hand. Anyway, we figured about 1 hour here is roughly 1 day in the real world so if we sleep for 8 hours, 8 days go by and we’ve already had 3 days pass. Fuck, this makes my head spin. I left Łshin with Allura and Wensforth. This place sucked before and I don’t want him to get hurt.


	200. Days 237-250

Days 237-250  
Again time is wonky, so just guessing. We destroyed the Laughing Hand’s heart. It’s so good to have a win finally. Allura scried on it for us and it’s looking real rough. It’s probably fully dead by now. I’ve never been more happy and relieved. It’s so good to finally have something go right. Caleb also made a little friend, Willi. He’s awfully cute. Next, we need to find Yussa and make sure he’s okay, then head back home.


	201. Days 251-255

Days 251-255  
We’re back out finally, lost another 4 days getting Yussa and leaving. We’ve learnt the Angel of Irons is actually the Chained Oblivion which is apparently Real Fucking Bad. Then I got into a huge argument with Nott, which, I will admit, I said some things that I need to find a way to apologise for. I stepped out of my lane. I called her selfish for thinking about letting Halas free because he said he could change her back. I think she got tunnel vision a little when he said that and wasn’t thinking straight, but I went off a little. I want to go home, Halas might have been my only chance with how powerful he is, especially how his home is made up of hundreds of different planes of existence, I’m sure he would know how to get me to my home world. And I miss my mother so much, I miss Papa and my friends and my cat. I’m scared because I’ve almost spent a year (my world’s year) here but I’m not about the unleash a centuries old mage who ate people and tortured and did all sort of horrible, unspeakable, fucked up things. I can’t fully blame her though, I know she wants to be herself again, more so than I’ll ever understand, but she’s just not thinking straight. Anyway, we got fancy tattoos from Orly. Mine’s sapphire dust and it’s a sun on the back of my neck, draped in thin strands of beads that hang down to a crescent moon between the tops of my shoulder blades, stars surrounding them with 2 eyes, one right above my shoulder blades, the one on the right with 2 tear drops. I was the only one to not pass out from the tattooing process, which I absolutely will be using for bragging rights. We head to Zadash in the morning.


	202. Day 256

Day 256  
We weere attacked today. At Pumats. Pumat can reallly hold his own. I’m also drunk. I’ve never drinken alcohol before. I’m trying to writte this entry but it really hard. Nott Beau and I had a moment tonightt, alos how I got drunk. Nottt was a little in love with Caleb and Beau’sa little in love with Jester and I said how I was in love with Molly an dhow we kissed twice and that I lowkey crushed on Caddie though I think Im ove that crush now. I’m going to sleeep. Willll ellabroatae more about today tomorrorw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (all spelling errors are intentional for this chapter. i'm literally handwriting this in books i made for my bookbinding class and i wanna keep some sort of 'handwritten' element to these.)


	203. Day 257

Day 257  
So uh… wowie. Backing up to yesterday, we went to Zadash, talked to Oremid Hass who I fully believe is not evil. No one who treats animals as well as he does can be bad. Then we went to Pumat’s and got attacked by the Cadogeist. Pumat really is powerful and proved that more today. Slept at the Gentleman’s place then this morning went back to Pumat’s and scried, finding out that Obann and co. were in Rexxentrum. So all of us, including Pumat, immediately went to the Cobalt Soul to send word and to go to Rexxentrum. There we went to a Cathedral and fucking destroyed the cult, the Laughing Hand and Obann as well as freeing Yasha and the Cadogiest. We got sent to the fucking king which was terrifying and now we have to go and organise a parley with the Dynasty. I’m so ready to sleep, I got beat to absolute shit. I’m pretty sure there’s some broken ribs and shit. Everything hurts. Łshin fared well, he’s pretty busted up too, but he’s still here with me. I didn’t really want to sleep alone since the last time I did was shortly after Molly’s death, but everyone else had already doubled up so it’s just me and Łshin, though, at least. It’s really good to have Yasha back. I missed her dearly.


	204. Day 258

Day 258  
I fucking hate being lied to. It took everything in me not to call those motherfuckers out on their bullshit. My arms still hurt from how hard I was digging my nails into my skin. I don’t trust any of this one bit.


	205. Day 259

Day 259  
Spending the next few days in Rexxentrum. I don’t like this city too much. Caddie’s been messing around with his bone death flute thing and I could hear it from the hotel. Faintly, but still there. We also went out and found a fight club for Fjord, Beau and Yasha.


	206. Day 260

Day 260  
Fight night was kinda weird. Beau beat the shit out of an old man, Fjord didn’t even land a hit, but he was fighting one of the people we met in Zadash st the tournament and I think I, or at least someone, needs to have a sit down with Yasha.


	207. Day 261

Day 261  
Didn’t do too much today, we’re just sort of waiting around. I went out to shop some, getting some beading and book supplies since this journal’s almost full again. I’ve got 3 pages left. I spent a while this morning getting some (fairly expensive) chain mail armour for Łshin. I paid extra for them to finish it tomorrow so I’ll run out in the morning and pick it up for him. The blacksmith was very kind, though, and seemed excited to work on this was very gentle with Łshin when he needed to be measured.


	208. Day 262

Day 262  
In Rosohna once more. I got Łshin’s armour before we left, it’s beautiful and looks amazing on him. He’s very happy as well. We talked with the Bright Queen about the parley and she agreed. Now we have to return to the Empire and discuss details I believe. Also, Essek came for dinner. It was surprising but honestly, a good time. I enjoyed his company and I even talked about my situation a little. He’s never heard of anything like it though. He offered to look into it, but I told him to focus on Nott and helping Caleb get her back to her old self.


	209. Day 263

Day 263  
Nott’s transformation spell didn’t work. We went to Essek’s home and he helped Caleb and Nott figure it out, then we got the materials and they tried to perform the spell, but apparently whoever changed her did something to stop the change back. We’re in Zadash now to try to get to Kamorda and find the woman who did this to Nott to get her to reverse it or kill her.


	210. Day 264

Day 264  
Feels a little weird to be camping again, it’s been a while. I kinda missed it. We got more horses to head to Kamorda, Jester’s dad knew some people. I got one as well, since Łshin’s got his fancy heavy armour now. We also just now, ran into those bandits from long ago. They’ve become hunters and sell pelts. I’m actually kinda proud of them in al honesty.


	211. Day 265

Day 265  
Still traveling to Kamorda. I lowkey hope we get into intimidate the fuck out of Beau’s father, though that could just be me projecting a little.


	212. Day 266

Day 266  
In Kamorda. I do not like Beau’s father at all. Cuddling up to Łshin tonight. This tavern is..,. dubious. We’re going to this hag lady tomorrow. I’m not too nervous about it.


	213. Day 267

Day 267  
I did something real dumb, well, almost. We found the hag and she wanted an equal exchange in misery. I went in right after Beau and asked the hag if she knew that I wasn’t from this world and she said yes. So I asked if there was a way for me to get home and she said yes again. So I offered for her to not allow me to go home, to block any chance of me returning like she did to Nott’s transformation. But to keep all the memories of my home and my mother. She aid it would have been an equal exchange. I didn’t agree right then and went outside, then Nott went in. When Nott came back out we all talked, Beau said her offer, then I said mine, then Yasha stormed in, then Jester after her. Jester fucking did it though, Jester broke Nott’s curse with a cupcake and a memory spell. As we were setting up the bubble, we got attacked by a bunch of zombies like the ones back at the very, very beginning of our journey. I really want to leave this swamp.


	214. Day 268

Day 268  
In the jungle. Still don’t like the tropics too much, but here isn’t as bad as the island we went to with Avantika with all the snake people. We’re heading to Caddie’s thing to finish his missive from the Wildmother. I hope this goes well so he can save his and his family’s home.


	215. Day 269

Day 269  
Quite a lot’s happened. We found Caddie’s family - they’ve all been turned to stone by a gorgon which we defeated. Him and Jester managed to turn his father, his mother and one of his sisters back to normal as well as one of the Stones. His aunt was smashed in the battle with the gorgon, but we’re trying to fix her to bring her back to life. His brother and other sister are in the temple, stone as well. Jester and Caddie can bring them back in the morning. All of it was intense, I got gored through the stomach and Fjord almost died. We did defeat it though, thankfully.


	216. Day 270

Day 270  
Caleb did it! The absolute madman did it, he really changed Nott back to Veth! And Jester saved Caddie’s aunt! So much good has happened today, I’m so glad. Things finally feel like they’re looking up for once. We took Caddie’s family, all 6 of them, to Uthodurn so Reani can help guide them back to their home and save it. It was so good to see them and Caddie together, it’s a really loving family. I especially liked Clarabelle, she reminds me of my best friend back home. Once we got them all set up in Uthodurn, we teleported to Nicodrana. The Empire is gearing up to head out soon and we’ll be traveling with them on our ship. Also turns out Essek might have been the mole. I still care about him though, he’s still our friend. We went to the Lavish Chateau to visit Nott and transform Nott into Veth and it worked perfectly. I’m so happy for her, I’m so glad she’s herself again. Jester, Caddie and I went out to get clothes ready for everyone for tomorrow night, we were invited to a gala of sorts. It was a lot of fun and super exciting to help pick out and design everyone’s outfits. I haven’t dressed up in so long! And people here are super open minded when it comes to gender and gender presentation so I’m going out on a limb and dressing a little more gender non conforming. I’ve always been super comfy like that and I miss playing around and this is the perfect opportunity.


	217. Day 271

Day 271  
Tonight went mostly without hitch, surprisingly. Everyone looked stunning and it was so much fun to dress up and wear makeup again. Beau was tripping balls on some spell Caddie casted on her. We cornered Essek and he came clean with us. It’s a little sad but he’s still Essek and I know I still care about him. Despite it all, he still helped us significantly.


	218. Day 272

Day 272  
We’ve got today and tomorrow in Nicodranas. Today I mostly shopped, making sure I have enough beading and embroidery supplies to last the next few weeks. I ducked into a cute book store too. There was the prettiest little calico and I needed to pet her.


	219. Day 273

Day 273  
Heading out tomorrow. I asked Caddie what was in the tea he gave me back when we first went out to sea for seasickness and went searching with him to get some herbs and such to make more, just in case I get seasick again. Went with him on his errands too. He’s honestly really fun to shop with.


	220. Day 274

Day 274  
Back out on the open ocean. Orly’s guessing it’ll take 9 - 11 days to reach our destination.


	221. Day 275

Day 275  
I thought about offering to help Jester with the sculptures then I remembered my figurative sculpture class I was forced to take my first year of school and the hell that was and instead went and beaded a rosette.


	222. Day 276

Day 276  
Although I didn’t help with sculpting still, I brought my beading out to Jester, Beau and Yasha to sit with them while they worked. I’m trying to remember how to make shoulder dusters and I think I’ve got it figured out.


	223. Day 277

Day 277  
Fucking started storming this evening. I’m nervous, I don’t like storms.


	224. Day 278

Day 278  
We got fucking attacked last night (this morning?) and Fjord and Orly both died. Jester and Caduceus managed to bring them back, thank fuck, but it was fucking rough. I almost shot an arrow at one of the Assembly members who came aboard our ship shortly after the attack. The things that attacked were followers of Uk’otoa. Caddie got the fucking orb out of Fjord though, and Caleb poofed it to his little pocket dimension.


	225. Day 279

Day 279  
Still raining, still a little in shock and things are a little tense. We’re all on edge. I really don’t wanna be at sea anymore.


	226. Day 280

Day 280  
Caleb and Beau went and talked with the Assembly folks. There’s still something shady with them but the Beacon’s correct at least.


	227. Day 281

Day 281  
Getting close to the meetup point. I’m starting to feel a little more anxious but it’s probably just general nerves. I remembered how to make those little beaded gecko things and I’m going to make them for everyone, including all the people we’ve met who’ve helped us.


	228. Day 282

Day 282  
I spent all day making geckos. Everyone’s got a very distinct colour scheme so I’m making them with their colours in mind - orange for Caleb, yellow for Veth, black for Yasha, green for Fjord, blue for Beau, pink for Caddie and another brighter pink for Jester. Still need to plan the ones for the others, but I’ve already got all the main ones, but I’ve got this down I think.


	229. Day 283

Day 283  
First day of negotiations. For some reason it didn’t occur to me it would take potentially more than 1 day. I made Essek’s gecko while he hung around our ship and he actually did take it.


	230. Day 284

Day 284  
Negotiations ended today. It feels… odd to say the least, I don’t really know how to feel. But now we’re heading to the location of this meeting with the Traveler’s people.


	231. Day 285

Day 285   
Smooth sailing. I finished the geckos for everyone else today.


	232. Day 286

Day 286  
Now I’m just making geckos all day.


	233. Day 287

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw, we're back babey

Day 287  
Fucking hell. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a dragon turtle. What the fuck.


	234. Day 288

Day 288  
Still a little shaken up with the dragon turtle, but it was uneventful today, thank the Gods. I can’t get myself to do much beading or crafting so I just kept watch and tried not to nap on deck. I’ll burn much too easy if I do.


	235. Day 289

Day 289  
Thankfully still no more dragon turtle and we should arrive tomorrow or the nest day. It is apparently still following us though. I would like just 1 month without getting some ancient, vendetta-holding being stalking us please, that would be really nice.


	236. Day 290

Day 290  
I am so tired of things chansing us. At least the white dragon just _said_ he would chase us and the roc only spent like half a day after us.


	237. Day 291

Day 291  
So we found the people of Rumblecusp, there’s like 70 or so of them. This island is weird though, feels like we’re being watched and both me and Łshin are jumpy. But these people seem alright - the first we met are werebears. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Well, I guess I did, they’re in a videogame but whatever. Anyway, something about this whole place unsettles me. Something’s off but I can’t quite place it. Plus there’s that fucking constant feeling of being watched. The people here caught a fucking dinosaur for dinner. Like an actual real dinosaur, I’ve seen a fossil of one before when I went to New York City on a field trip. This is something from my world. They said that this island is strange, maybe there’s a portal or something home? I don’t know, I’m overthinking it. Yasha played her harp tonight and preformed beautifully. Molly would be proud. My name is Leonardo. I am from another world. My mother’s name is Rhonda. No father.


	238. Day 292

Day 292  
I think this thing. Veth and I both struggled and I… I had to give Molly’s necklace. I tried giving gold but I have little else. I still have this coat but fuck. I’m so angry and I feel like I betrayed him. My name is Leonardo. I am from another world. My mother is Rhonda.  
\----  
Vilya carried Łshin and I was on Caleb’s back, The fucking dragon turtle ate our ship.  
\----  
I had to write this real quick. Caleb made out memories physical. He even made a guess of me working a wood block and another of me in my world. He made Molly too. It’s so beautiful and it’s so painful.


	239. Day 293

Day 293  
It’s been a bloody long day. I’m fucking exhausted and it feels like we’ve done nothing. This fight isn’t going to go well, I just know it.


	240. Day 294

Day 294  
Veth found my necklace. Found Molly’s necklace. It’s chaos now with Vokodo gone. 3 people came for the Traveler thing. I’m so tied and my skin still burns a little but it’s whatever, I have my necklace and a fuckload of money. I really wanna go home to be honest.


	241. Day 295

Day 295  
Mostly doing prep work for Traveler Con. I’ve been helping gather wood and such and helping the people of Vo if they need it as well. Vilya sent people to the Menagerie Coast.


	242. Day 296

Day 296  
Łshin helped Caddie with the clearing the path to the volcano. I spent most of today helping around the town, helping people get ready to leave. There’s a lot of emotions, I want to help as much as I can. Vilya sent people to Marquet today.


	243. Day 297

Day 297  
Vilya sent people to Zadash this morning. It was kinda nice to see the city wall again. I got recruited into the hunting party and I left Łshin in the village. He was bummed out about it, but I knew he was safest and could help people there especially since we went out after a fucking T Rex, though which is fucking insane.


	244. Day 298

Day 298  
More people arrived today, more people left. Łshin, Caddie and I finished the volcano path.


	245. Day 299

Day 299  
Tomorrow is Traveler Con. There’s already so many people, it’s just about back up to it’s just about up back to its previous population. Kinda nice how the Con will land right on my 300th day here. It’s almost been an entire year now. Vilya went home to her family tonight, Veth and I saw her off.


	246. Day 300

Day 300  
I feel really awful about the ending of Traveler Con. I feel like I need to apologise to the Moonweaver since I sorta, kinda have been starting to follow her more or less. I knew I should have said something before. I had a bad feeling in my gut.


	247. Day 301

Day 301  
We finally have another ship and are finally back in Nicodranas. It’s so good to be back in civilisation and in an actual bed. I got some beading supplies since we’re here. It’s always so nice to see Jester and her mother interact.


	248. Day 303

Day 302  
Caleb brought us to Rexxentrum and showed us around. He took us to a place he used to drink and dance. I wanted to so badly, but I didn’t. I just hung out with Yasha and Caddie. It reminded me a little too much of dancing with Molly all back in Hupperdook. We’ve been hired to travel up north as protection. Caleb told us all what happened to him. I hurt for him so much. We zipped back to Nicodranas and tomorrow I’m gonna run out and get some new clothes for the dinner with Icky Fuck and the cold.


	249. Day 303

Day 303  
I’m crying right now. Caleb made us a home. It’s unspeakably beautiful. My room is so perfect. My stained glass window is of me and Łshin at night in the woods, but they’re the evergreens of home. It’s covered in all sorts of trinkets and memorabilia, just like my room back home. The centre room is a studio space full of wood blocks and carving tools and printmaking supplies. The bedroom is lively and colourful and mismatched and just, exactly how I used to design my room and filled with plants and a whole area for Łshin to sleep and relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i caught up to ep 111 ,,,, :)


	250. Day 304

Day 304  
Molly’s alive.


	251. Day 305

Day 305  
Molly is alive. No, it’s not our Molly. It’s just Molly’s body. I’m terrified. This new person is as Molly as Molly was Lucien. I don’t know if I can do this.


	252. Day 306

Day 306  
It’s foggy. This voyage is going to be rough. Łshin isn’t happy and stays below deck for the most part, pouting. I’m having difficulties sleeping.


	253. Day 307

Day 307  
It’s fucking cold.


	254. Day 308

Day 308  
This cold is near unescapable. I feel it in my bones even with my coat and warm clothes.


	255. Day 309

Day 309  
Fucking Avantika came back. I really, really, really would like it if we could have just once during traveling we have an easy trip.


	256. Day 310

Day 310  
Uneventful, but we’re all on edge now.


	257. Day 311

Day 311  
I’m fucking stressed and fucking freezing. I can hardly sleep.


	258. Day 312

Day 312  
We made friends today, a cetus and her 2 children. They were very sweet and very hungry so we fed them and they guided us through a rougher area.


	259. Day 313

Day 313  
Feeling a little better since the cetus interaction, I’m not as tense as before.


End file.
